But our favorite? That involves ninja rap.
MORE: A history of athletes weirdly changing their stories
Yes, as the headline suggests, Vanilla Ice is here to protect Lochte. They’re both competing in “Dancing With the Stars” because of course they are, but Lochte’s presence has drawn some negativity in light of his recent awful fabrications that disparaged Brazilians for no good reason.
From Jessica Pressler’s profile:
Amazingly, we already knew that Lochte had turned to Rob Van Winkle, who has some experience in the fabricating-stories-to-unintentionally-disparage-other-people department. USA Today profiled their friendship a few weeks ago:
The bodyguard bit, though, that’s something truly special. It’s the type of thing that makes you hope it gets put to the test at some point — provided no one gets hurt by Van Winkle’s furious ninja moves.
When Vanilla Ice first saw Lochte, the 12-time Olympic medalist was sitting alone in the corner of the room. Not good, thought the rapper, and so he offered words of advice.
Not all of the words rhymed.
“He seemed lost and embarrassed,’’ Vanilla Ice USA TODAY Sports. “He didn’t know what to say. You could see it.
“He was flustered and I kind of told him, ‘Put it together, man. Yesterday’s history and tomorrow’s a mystery. You know, what you did yesterday you can’t go back and change it. It happened. It’s done.’ "
MORE: Lochte embodies the ugly American aesthetic
The entire profile at New York Magazine is worth reading, with dozens of other eye-rolling anecdotes. Here’s to hoping Lochte and his new fiancée have a great life free of burden thanks to their dancing, rhyming watchdog.
